Tho Art Full Of Shit

I know, not the most uplifting title, but it rings of truth. Our entire ability to change our life is living on top of our shoulders, right between our ears. Want to know a secret? It is full of shit. It holds all of our doubts, fears and memories of our worst failures. Left unchecked, it is great at playing them all on a loop. Every choice, good or bad, comes from that squishy lump.

That late night text to the ex? The brain was totally involved in it. Being depressed when they text some snarky shit back, and drinking to the point of oblivion on a school night. Yeah, the brain was part of that too. What is my point? Simple, we live at the level we allow our selves to. When shit is going too good, we are masters of self sabotage. We set a level with our self talk and even the media, activities and company we keep.

We wire ourselves to fail, and we usually aren't even aware of it. That sneaky lump of gray matter is always working, even when we aren't telling it what to do. What we tell ourselves matters so much, and it took me a long time to understand it. The more we knowingly tell our selves we are doomed to failure, the more those words echo in the cavern of our skull subconsciously. The emotional echos get painted on the walls, and it surrounds us.

You might be thinking "well I am X amount of years old, guess I fucked that up already!". Wrong, my friend. We have the ability to learn and grow, we just have to be present to do it. No, I, for one have tried daily affirmations and I can tell you they did jack shit for me. But you aren't me, maybe for you, they work. If they do honestly I am jealous because that is movie level spell work. Chant some magic words daily and poof, happy life. You lucky bastards. I had to actively recognize the negative self talk and like a crazy person have that little argument with myself inside my head. Brain: "We are a fucking moron" Me: "The fuck we are" Brain: "Here is proof we are a moron." (Plays back Bishop's greatest fuckups highlight reel" Me: "Well that wasn't called for you dick." Brain: "But see, it is true." Me: "We are changing, you ugly twat waffle." Brain: "You just called yourself ugly, would you like me to pull up the least favorite pictures of yourself folder?" Me: "I can't even with you today.". See, crazy person. Besides the internal arguments, we have to keep a steady hand on the wheel of the ship, as it were. You know that toxic person who you wished things had gone differently with? Yeah, that one! Quit fucking communicating with and following them on social media. It's like drinking poison and expecting not to die. Or if you are dating and every experience seems to turn out the same way. Them not falling madly in love with you and committing to you within 3 weeks and you, a depressed lump of a human, wondering what's wrong with you. Pump the brakes. You are not in the right mindset for a healthy relationship or to be putting yourself out there.

We need to play an active role in our transformation, and we won't get there doing the same repetitive self-destructive bullshit. We need to read, watch some TED Talks, go on a long walk or drive and live in the moment. We can never see the change we need by being the same person doing the same things over and over again, expecting some magic change ferry to pick us for a life-changing moment.

There is no magic pill or formula for dealing with the past. We as humans are different, but there are some universal truths. Drinking, smoking or otherwise numbing ourselves will not delete the past. But it might just help you craft that next unhealthy text to the person you should not be talking to. The only way to deal is to actually deal with it and close the door.

You will fall down if you take this journey. But to fall down means you are putting skin in the game. Total failure looks like eating snack cakes off your stomach and drinking wine at noon on a Tuesday. Ok, it won't always look like that, but you get the picture. Feel the emotions, give them the space and time they deserve and for fuck's sake cry if you need to, it really is beneficial. On that note, I am going to get off my soap box for this week, as I am heavy, and it is creaking. Fun fact, the argument in my head was mentally voiced by Craig Ferguson (Mr Wick from the Drew Carey show). On that note, I am going to finish my Sunday beverage and post this on the internet.

:(: Bishop