The End Of An Era

I have been under the weather. So the weekend was spent in recovery. Sunday was spent mostly sleeping. Monday was a rare sick day. I spent the day resting as much as I could. Meal prepping still happened. It took a lot out of me, but I made overnight oats for Shelby and myself. Then on to grain bowls for my now 4-day work week. Shelby took on the grocery shopping, so I could stay at the house and rest. They set got a food pickup order for the Layton Walmart. The one on Hope Ave here in SLC really seems to have shitty produce and a limited selection compared to many of the nicer Walmart's in the area.

Deep in thought the last few days I recalled how my friend Adam would always shave off his beard every November for NaNoWriMo Cutting his beard was his writing ritual. Many of us were sad to see that delightful beard get trimmed off every November. But just like the changing of the seasons, we grew to accept that it was a fact of life for all of us. I personally think he might have taken some small delight in the uprising it brought.

I have also heard how hair can hang onto negative energy. Thinking back on things I have been growing this beard since July 4th 2015. In August 2017 I was going through a divorce. After that, I went through many life changes. Bad relationships, loss of friends and stressful times. Changing one's hair has been seen historically and in modern times as the beginning of change. Shortly after Adam passed away, I shaved my head for the first time in years. It felt nice, even if it weirded out my daughter.

For 2,980 days I maintained that beard. July 15th 2015 to September 11th 2023. Many people in my life today had never seen me without my massive facial hair. My daughter has never seen me without a beard. It has been short at times and at others it could almost be classified as a wizard level beard.

Call it a placebo effect, call it a midlife crisis, really call it whatever you would like. But I felt a strong sense of release and relief when I was done. It was a sense of letting go of what was. It has been so long since I have seen my face bare that I forgot about the scar I have.

I always said I used my beard to hide my ugly face. As I progress in my self-love and acceptance, I feel like seeing my face again is an important part of accepting myself. I don't believe that I am done having a beard, but I was done with that beard and that novel of existence that I lived in those 2,980 days.

The self work continues. I am meal prepping and I am ever-changing. I haven't yet posted a progress report of my weight loss. But when I am ready, I will. This time around feels different. I have no proverbial carrot on a stick to march towards, the only reward for my efforts is self gratification and better health. So without further delay I shall show you a picture of the end result. The version that currently exists. No beard, just my face seen for the first time in years.

No pose, just me as I am. I have some work to do to accept this face and truthfully when I was in bed this morning and brushed my hand across my face I was shocked for a moment to feel the stubble. The beard will come back, but for now I am going to learn to love this face and embrace this season of change. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Bishop :(: