This Shit Again

I have spent the last few days processing the last few months. Charles and I were involved in a weight loss competition. Loser had to pay for the Jell Roll concert tickets. Well the concert is this coming Saturday and we decided to call it a draw. We both started strong, and we both crashed hard and broke our good habits not very far into the competition.

I could sit here and give you a laundry list of my reasons behind it. Financial issues, roommate issues, stress, problems with my ankle and the loss of a friend. But let us call this list what it really is. Bishop's list of reason that he generated to enable himself to feel ok giving up. While everything on that list is something I have been dealing with, it is still just a bunch of excuses.

Ultimately, I am writing this post to take accountability for my failure. Yes, we are calling the competition a draw, but I allowed myself to self sabotage and back slid to almost my starting weight. So it is time to start over yet again. My primary focus right now is nutrition. I got back up to this weight due to poor eating habits and lack of physical activity. I have maintained the habit of eating a healthy breakfast. Egg bits and overnight oats for the win! If I analyze the lunches I pack for myself before the competition started, when I was active in it and currently... Well, I am packing a lot of shit again. Most notably in the past month or two.

Today, I spent some time researching easier meal preps. I settled on making grain bowls. I meal prepped overnight oats for the next five days. I made four grain bowls and a bonus one to try out tonight. I also picked up some salad kits and a few other healthy items for after work meals. Eating healthy is fucking expensive! So round one is getting back on track with nutrition, including portion control.I also want to build up a healthy routine of physical activity that includes more walking and some at home weight lifting and stretching. Baby steps are where I am back to right now. I do not desire to be some sculpted God looking dude. I Just want to have more energy and be healthy. Someone asked me over a year ago when I was healthier, what the secret was. "It's easy, it just takes hard work, dedication and doing a bunch of things you really don't want to but know you need to." This remains true. Time to put in the sweat equity on myself again and break old habits once again. I want to clarify something. While I have been upset with myself, I have not been allowing myself to have a pity party over it. To sit and dwell over this would not further change, it would just allow my bad habits to continue for longer. This dear readers is what I will call the win. This is a sign of progress. Accountability and moving forward for the win. Because at the end of the day, sitting on my ass and trying to "Manifest" a healthier me would not accomplish a damn thing other than probably sitting on my ass and snacking more. Trying to manifest something without putting in any work is just another way to say you are daydreaming about shit. Bishop :(: