The Pandemic Of Dating

I am about to share with you a video from YouTube. The audio from it has been making the rounds on the clock app. Please take a minute and watch this short clip before you continue reading.

This audio has been used thousands of times by men, women, they and them's of the popular video app. The most heartbreaking version of this audio has the dramatic piano music from Love Is Gone by slander playing in the background. Now that I have that song playing and a glass of my finest writing whiskey, let's dig into this.

Dear reader, have you ever felt like or do you currently feel like poor Robert here? I think we all have to be fair. I am still on my self-imposed relationship free year for many of the same reasons he listed in this clip. I am now going to share my least favorite images popular on social media.

You might be asking, "But Bishop, why would you hate this!?". For several reasons, honestly. For one, I have come to hate the word "Broken" truly, deeply, and madly I despise the use of the term broken to describe someone even more so when it is used by a person to describe themselves. It is too easy to use and far too easy of a trap to get comfortable in. Just like "Broken people break people." No assholes break people, and blaming your personal unresolved trauma to be a shitty human makes you the worst kind of human.

We live in a world of instant gratification and plentiful medically licensed cop-outs that people cling to harder than Rose did to that piece of floating wreckage in Titanic. Jack so could have fit! Now I am no doctor, and I am not on a personal war path to discount what trauma any of you have been through. But you can bet your ass, I am here to challenge you to heal.

I am positive we all have one person we know who jumps from relationship to relationship quickly and with the same ending every time. "They were an asshole." or "They didn't really love me". Have you ever heard this person claim responsibility for the end of a relationship? I bet the fuck you haven't. We live in the time when someone new is just a few swipes and a nude or two away from being the next "Asshole" for this person. So what is the point? People today are more likely to relationship hop, looking for that person to hug them so hard all the broken pieces they refuse to work on fit back together. Rinse and repeat, the cycle will continue.

I have something to say to all of you reading this right now, so listen up. Your self-worth is not elevated when you are in a relationship. You are just as valuable alone and flying solo as you are when you are with someone. You are worthy of love, you have meaning, and the fact that you are vertical and sucking air is a beautiful thing. Never accept the attention or affection of someone to just avoid being single. It fucks with you and it fucks with them. Now back to that fucked up picture I shared. Waiting for someone to hug you so tight that all your broken pieces fit back together implies that you put that healing on them. You want that magic touch but no skin in the game for you, just healing please. Downside? When they walk out of your life and remove that magical touch, you fall the fuck apart again, possibly worse than you were before.

How do I know this? Because I played that game personally and oh yeah it fucking hurt. When I was using the term "Broken" to describe myself, I had one of those hugs and my unenlightened ass went for that ride. I fed off that touch and that love. I literally felt like my soul stood still, and I was at peace when they were in my arms. When the other shoe dropped, and they cheated on me and split? I coined a new term "Shatter soul" I figured it was a step up from broken. Hell, I put it on a shirt and bracelet. I wallowed in that heartbreak and it consumed me. These days, I have them blocked on all social media. If I were to see them in person, I would not piss on them if they were on fire. Flip side? AS shitty as they were, it was entirely unfair of me to put my entire emotional needs and well-being on the love we shared. I own that shit, I recognize it, and I cringe at who I was. But I own it, I share it and I claim it. 2017 through 2018 Bishop was a very different person.

So, here we are two people staring at a screen thinking "Now what?". If you guessed another glass of writing whiskey, you would be correct. Don't you judge me, I went on two walks today, and I haven't had a drink in over a week until now.

Look deep inside your self, not that deep! Not childhood trauma deep. Ask yourself honestly are you the serial dater, are you like Robert and you are done or are you somewhere in the middle? Be real, be authentic with yourself when you ponder this. Ask yourself why are you dating, have a real conversation about it. Just maybe not out loud and in a public place. People seem to get judgy when you do that, for some reason. If you find that you are repeating a cycle, then put the apps down and hit pause. Single people will still be around after you do some self-care, maybe even some therapy. Want to know a cool secret? Well, I am going to tell you anyway. As a former certified red flag chaser I can confirm after some healing those red flags do not look as fun to chase. And the people you are attracted to will look a lot different when you are in the right headspace. In fact, you might develop some fuck off energy and even raise the bar on the standards you have when it comes to dating. At the end of the day we are all energy and what we are on the inside is what level of energy we put off and ultimately what we attract. It is a beautiful thing when you gain some self-worth and tell someone who tries to play you to get the hell out of your life. We call that growth, and growth is a beautiful thing. Bishop :(: