Self Directed Mental Harm

"The longer we hold onto the scars of the past like trophies of our sorrow. The longer the past will remain victorious over our future." Bishop Brown

Yup, I started this post by quoting me. Not even apologetic about it. While I don't have everything figured out, I do hit the nail on the head every once in a while. Us silly humans have a way of carrying around our past like battle trophies. Now, don't get me wrong some things stick with us, and we need to actively work on healing from them. Some things will be lifelong traumas, I get that.

As a chronic over thinking individual with a flair for anxiety I can tell you from personal experience, not one sleepless night of reliving the past with should have, would have could have scenarios has changed anything in my past. It has made for shitty next days, bouts of depression and feelings of hopelessness. The longer we do hold on to these "No win" scenarios, breathing new life into them instead of letting them be the relics of the past they are, the longer those wounds will not heal and the harder we fail at moving on. SO STOP PICKING AT THEM! We as humans excel at kicking our own ass with things like this.

I reflect on this picture and I clearly picture a time when I did this, and I benefitted from it greatly. There is a person who runs among some of the circles of people I know. He is a good cook and loves to tell stories of learning from Gordon Ramsey and meeting famous people and receiving lavish gifts. He also speaks freely of his battles with anxiety, child custody issues and those that have broken his heart and done him wrong. But he also requests you never tell his well-to-do parents of his struggles, especially his battle with brain cancer. Ironically he should have been dead, several times over due to his inability to qualify for care and his life expectancy that he shared several times. (Read between the snark on that one) People held charity events for him, took time off for him, and even took time off for his mental health crisis and suicidal moments. One time he came to me with a sob story about how he went on a trip to California against his will with hist father. His friend was due to fly in, and his father was not going to allow his best friend to stay at the condo. He needed money for a room for his friend. I ponied up, so he wouldn't be stuck on the city streets.

Not long after, this friend of his showed up at my house for a social gathering. I asked him how the hotel was in California. He looked puzzled and said" I stayed at the condo, his dad loves me." You see, that emergency he came to me with so heartfelt was not real. Instead, that money he so desperately needed was used for sightseeing and vacation activities. The last time I saw this person in the flesh, this person who called me friend and who needed me... He pretended I did not exist. Avoided me at all costs, and it was easy to see he is still up to his same bullshit. He is a user of people, a liar and an attention addict.

Why do I dive into this story? Because ultimately, that money he took was a much cheaper life lesson than continuing to be used by this person under the disguise of friendship. While at the time it hurt deeply, I took that life lesson, and I was able to move on. I struggled because I honestly did not have money to give. The reassurance of a full repayment was only partially rectified when he was trying to gain favor with a girl who knew what he had done to me. As long as he tried to get with her, he sent me small payments. When it became clear it was all in vain, the money stopped.

By stepping away from him, I lost some people in my life. But in reality, probably was not an actual life. I had a period of dwelling on this event, and then I filed it and moved on with my life. Agreeably, simpler to do with this than an issue where love or hearts are more heavily involved. But the process is relatively the same.

So for those of you holding onto a "No win" memory endlessly rehashing it, I have but one question for you. How is this scar from the past serving your present day life? It is entirely possible to move on from the past and retain the lesson while letting go of the emotion tied to it. Step one is to simply quit breathing life into it.

We get caught in the same shit, different day trap far too easily. Sometimes we make these painful memories part of that routine, it becomes a habit and a cycle of pain. So let me help you for just a minute. Listen up and focus, you have spent far too much time punishing yourself for loving, for trusting, for caring about that person, and you are only hurting yourself and preventing better days from coming. Take a deep breath, reflect for a moment on whatever memory that statement brings to mind, because we all have that one memory that we know is toxic for us.

I want you to mentally say whatever it is you need to say in your head to that person. Call them out, have that fight, whatever it is you need to do. Now tell that memory person, "You are in the past, and you have no power over my present". You can tell that memory this same thing any time it rears its ugly head. If you see them in the flesh, it is 100% ok to ignore them. If they try to interact with you, it is 100% fine to tell them you wish to have nothing to do with them. You owe them no explanation.

They took enough of you back then, it is time to stop letting that voice from the pest limit your present and future. I promise you they aren't worth it and any "Closure" you wish to gain from them will be as toxic as they were in the past. Take it from the chronic over thinker, I have had to do some of this in my own life. I sought closure for so many hurts that never came, and I had to finally grasp for my self who they really were and what really happened before I could find the peace in my self to let go and move on. Tomorrow is a new day, and you are free to make it a great one. Yes, you will probably have to go to work and make that bill money. Life is not all burritos and strippers, my friend. But you can make it a new day without the weight of the past. You have the power to shape your life. Probably not at the speed you wish for. But every day is a day of progress and healing if you let it be. Bishop :(: