Reflections

I used to be a horribly depressed person who felt like life gave him a raw deal. I made that my entire personality for a while. I spent my free time living in the past, drinking or finding another temporary distraction. I was also a social butterfly during this time. I would hit the bar once or twice a week, and every other weekend I would have a party or find someplace to go. That was not so much living as just existing and getting laid. While it was fun in its own sort of way, I was miserable. I spent a lot of time wishing for a time machine, searching for some way to change what is into what I wanted it to be. I often dreamed of ending it all during those days. Came uncomfortably close a few times. Every day felt like a new disaster and a kick to the nuts.

I used to be a nervous and stressed out person. I spent my free time living in the future and overthinking situations. Many of them never came to pass. I drank about the same but went to the bar less. Probably gave myself the gray hair during this time as well. I was selectively social and spent a bit less time getting laid.

Over thinking is a bit harder to make into an entire personality. It requires so much more explanation and after explaining too many completely unreal scenarios you might get a grippy sock vacation. And let me tell you stressed out overthinking me did NOT have money for a vacation.

People came and people went, and many got to see a different version of me. People who knew party boy Bishop would probably be blown away if they met me now. I say this as I sit here enjoying some cold tap water filled with frozen berries and absolutely loving it.

These are but a few variations of who I have been over the years. They are, however, key players in my character progression. There was also Doormat Bishop, Cared Too Much Bishop, Caring Too Little Bishop, Taken Advantage of Bishop, Lost Bishop and well the list goes on.

It was never a clean shift to the next version. It took time and subtle changes. Truthfully, all of these variations live within in me still. Life in its own way is like a jigsaw puzzle, and we never get to see the full picture until the end. Many people will carry around pieces of you, some good, some bad, and the rare few have multiple pieces.

Likewise, we have parts of others puzzles with us. Sometimes they shape us from that favorite obscure song someone showed us, and we fell in love with to that one place we won't go to again because fuck that. Maybe it is more subtle, like a piece of art that you fondly remember someone by, hanging in the house. You might not notice it every day or even every week, but when you do, you stop for a moment and smile.

These days I am Today Bishop with a hint of goals and plans thrown in for good measure. I still have my down days and I still stress. I am even more selectively social, and you will almost never find me in a bar. I have a lot to live for, so suicidal thoughts are off the table. I fall down and I get back up. I don't plan too far ahead, and I really don't spend too much time in the past.

I am stitched together from experiences, ideas and thoughts. A few core changes from some amazing books, and an even better bullshit detector. I am not completely rigid, but so much stronger willed and firmer in my resolve than ever before. All of these variations of self are reflections of a person learning and growing. Let me tell you that learning and growing is a lifelong adventure. Some of the most amazing people I have ever met never stopped until the puzzle was completed. So if you find yourself stuck someplace in life maybe missing some edge pieces and perpetually pondering where in the fuck that odd shaped piece will ever go, it just means you have some more living to do. Bishop :(: