Mentally Sexy Physically Potato

I was going to do this without the whiskey, but it just didn't feel right. Just like my friend Adam shaving his beard before starting NaNoWriMo every year, my Sunday whiskey seems to be my ritual. Considering the amount I used to drink weekly, I don't really feel bad for a once a week glass of my favorite whiskey. Something about putting in my ear buds, pouring a drink and making sweet, sweet love to my keyboard really helps me close out the week.

I missed last week. I have no fun cover story, other than I don't feel I had anything worthwhile to say. For the sake of honesty, I think I have been fighting off some mild depression. It being mild is yet another victory over my past. I spent plenty of time exhibiting piss poor behavior, making poor life choices all in the name of being "Broken". As we have already established, that was a destructive self-imposed label that only served to enable me. With great irony dear reader, I will admit while I write I tend to gravitate to the same songs I did back in those dark days.

I have two pet peeves right now. Pet peeve #1. Far too many people live as shitty, broken people crying about how they have been wronged. All the while these people fuck with the emotions of others, taking no responsibility for how they are acting in the present and offer simple explanations of "This is how I am" or flat out just exiting the people who call them on the bullshit out of their lives. This truly offers no chance of improvement when the response to criticism is a simple "Fuck you". Another common defense is to tell the person calling them on said bullshit is that they are trying to "Guilt trip" them. Sometimes we do wrong, and we deserve a slice of humble pie. I myself have been on both sides of this coin and can admit I was not always the best person.

Onward to #2, the amount of women who have an ex that is a narcissist is astounding. If these reports are true, then narcissism might be a bigger state wide pandemic than pornography. Yes, at one point, Utah did declare pornography a state wide health issue. Now before I get the hate mail, yes some people are really narcissists. It's true it happens, but throwing around terms like "Narcissist" and "Gas Lighting" So often paint a bleak picture of what it is to be a man. For anyone who has not read about it, yet I encourage you to google Norah Vincent, she was a person of the lesbian persuasion that was also a writer. She wanted to see what life was like for men, she ended up becoming so depressed that she opted for assisted suicide on July 6th 2022. So yes, I do not intend to minimize the suffering anyone has gone through who has dealt with a narcissist, however I encourage you to consider how bad these accusations can actually hurt someone including myself. Yes, I too have been accused of being one. I guess at the root of both pet peeves is the same theme, people being shitty to one another. This is not what Bill and Ted wanted for any of us. These things have been weighing heavy on me as of late. The why for this is I am quickly approaching the end of my year long no relationships' saga. AS I have said before, energy attracts energy, and I truly feel that my energy has changed. I still am a mixed bag of hopes and dreams as to what my perfect partner looks like. I know for certain that I will need to find another freak like me. I am over settling for who is willing to be with me vs who wants to be with me. I am also over being pressured into labeling something a relationship in order to help another human check some invisible self-worth box.

It goes without saying, therefore I must say it, if you have to force it, it is probably shit. I don't think anyone truly enjoys feeling like they are wasting time when seeing someone, but with this comes perspective. Getting to know someone over a period of time and enjoying time and activities together is not a waste of time. What is a waste of time is rushing to put a label on that, then clinging to it when it appears it's not what you wanted after all for the sake of not having another failed relationship. Such joy can come from enjoying the ride and not having to force things, but going with the flow. Sometimes we need that experience more than we need to check invisible self-worth boxes.

Freeze-frame, I just had this song come on, and I legit had to text my friend Sabrina and thank her for being an amazing human, I know if I really was in dire straights I could call her, and she would be there as best she could for me. These are the people I seek to know, true salt of the earth people that don't just turn into people I used to know. The flip side of this coin is never beg someone to be a part of your life. If they exit, you have to let them, that was a hard lesson for me to learn. Sidebar, I did in fact pour a second beverage this evening. I guess last week's absence has left me with more to say, lucky you dear reader.

Shameless plug time today, episode three of the podcast launched today. That picture above is of Ariel, a true human badass. In that picture she is being a badass and inset is a picture of the night she almost final destinationed her self. If you click on the picture it will open her episode. Second Chance by Shinedown is playing right now. I am going to take this as a sign to wrap this up. Life is shit sometimes, it is even more shit if you can't take accountability and a fearless self inventory from time to time. If you can't reflect on life and identify at least some points where you were the problem or at least a complete jackass, you just might have a bigger issue than you want to believe. I have survived all of my darkest days, and I've had my share of restarts. 2023 will be a wild ride as I actively enter the dating world again. While I am not physically a trophy boyfriend, I truly believe the growth I have experienced has added an asston of emotional intelligence, and I am determined to do no harm and not be played. So be ye warned I am bringing mentally sexy back bitches. I have a lot of living to do and I am just getting started.