I am the Project

I was a die hard people pleaser. I absolutely hated upsetting someone or feeling like I let them down. Not only that, but I took so much shit and disrespect dealing with people who flat out used me simply because I did not want to lose a friend. Do you know what this means? It means I had no respect for myself and more than once I put myself out even financially for people who could not find time to piss on me if I was on fire.

However, through trial and error I found my voice and you better believe I have self-respect these days. Did I lose everyone? No. I lost some people. Sometimes they drifted away when the giving well ran dry, and others I had to flat out evict from my life. See, the real friends that simply want you around because you are you and not because they have something to gain will truly stick around.

Right now, I truly am the project in my life. Currently, I am involved in a biggest loser type challenge with a friend. Whoever loses the most weight up until August 3rd when we go see The Dead South has to pay for the tickets. This is not my first battle with weight loss. Since 2017 I have been a weight loss yo-yo. Also, for some cheap entertainment and progress videos follow my TikTok account linked on this blog.

The difference is not only am I looking to shed pounds and be a healthy human being, I am also looking to break a cycle here. I have an endless list of discarded dreams and hobbies. They usually have a common theme as to why they are on the discard pile. I got my heart broken, waiting on the other person who was supposed to do it with me or better, yet it got hard, and I gave up.

This is why my alone time and dedication to myself and abstaining from dating is 100% vital to my success. For once, I am ditching the distractions and pushing my self to be the person I know I can be. Is it fun? Yes and no. However, my future self will look back on this time and thank me for doing this. Life is not easy, but it takes as much effort to live a crappy life as it does a great one.

This year has already had its challenges and trust me it presents a boat load of stress. But I am DONE living a crappy life. I am going to succeed for myself and for my daughter. The truth is I have been my biggest stumbling block in life. Now please note this is not negative self talk, it is simply a very true statement. Now is my time to be wired to win and make life changes. I am done with quick fixes and beautiful distractions. This is the year I break the cycles of bullshit and I stop doing that shit. I will come into my own, on my own terms, and I won’t be apologetic about choosing me this time around. Bishop :(: