Glow up and coming clean

I have missed a few weeks of posting. Honestly, I have had ideas and even emotion behind them. But I kept getting in my own way and never put fingers to keyboard. Honestly It has been a hell of a ride these last few weeks but strangely in the good way. So, let's light this candle!

This month marks 5 years since I said "I don't" and ended my 10 years of marriage. I will get back on track and make a "Dear Bishop" post this time around. July 13th was my last day at England Logistics. I enjoyed my time at England and met some amazing people, and it is a job and place I would highly recommend. But I got an offer I could not refuse.

On July 14th I started my new job. Ironically, I am working in the very same building I sold cars out of until late 2021. It is not longer a dealership, and the old sales office is a waiting room and offices for a repair shop. This year I have gone from General Sales Manager of a dealership to Logistics Business Development Manager and finally to Service Writer.

This job pushes me to learn new things, use current skills, and it keeps me on my toes. I could not be happier. I am working face to face with customers again, and I love it. I am valued, I am respected, and I love the people I work for. I honestly wake up every day and look forward to what new adventures await. In the auto industry, it is rare to have weekends off. But we work Monday - Friday and are closed Saturday and Sunday.

Charles and I made it to our concert. He threw in the towel a few weeks back due to some other circumstances. Truthfully, neither of us got as far as we wanted to with this challenge. Come September 1 I am going back to hitting it hard and making those life changes I need. But he did pay for the tickets and this was his first actual concert, so we popped that cherry. The Dead South put on an excellent show. But I must confess I love the Tejon Street Corner Thieves. I found them on YouTube in 2019 or 2020. When I found out they were opening, I knew I had to see them. Also, hell yes, I bought a bad shirt! I am listening to them right now as I write this.

So, let's spill the tea on the header photo of this post. A lot of people, surprisingly enough to me, see me as a guy who give no fucks and also the most fucks. While somehow just rocking the am who I am vibe with a cheerful demeanor. While that does partially ring true, I am about to peel back a layer of the onion that is me.

I can be an insecure bastard in my own way. Life has not always been kind and my choices not always the best. I have come to realize I have anxiety and I know I have depression. I am more my own man than I have ever been. I used to be so insecure, I let people walk all over me and get away with shit that I would never dream of pulling just so I didn't rock the boat and lose and friend. It learned some painful and truthfully expensive lessons along the way.

My tolerance of shitty people has drastically lowered over the past few years. I can honestly say my ability to tolerate mistreatment this year has also changed. I just won't stick around for bullshit anymore. Acknowledging my anxiety is new to me. But recognizing it, much like depressive episodes, is truly power over it. When you can understand why you feel anxious or depressed, it allows you to process it entirely different. At least for me, it does.

Instead of taking a header into a week long, or longer, depression, I can literally stop and assess the situation. More often than not, I quickly realize while I currently feel like shit, I have no honest reason to feel that way. Things aren't as bad as the spicy thoughts lead me to believe. Likewise with anxiety, I can be absolutely pumped for something but day of not want to get out of bed. After a quick chat with myself, I can better grasp the situation and push through. It is a bit harder with anxiety vs depression for me. However, I have done this with depression for years. With anxiety, this skill set and tool is a few months old at best.

So there you have it, I too have my inner demons that like to mess with my head. Never compare someone else's highlight reel with your behind the scenes. What you see in someone else will never tell you what demons they are fighting. This is a fact you can take to the bank all day long. Ok heathens, with that I shall end this blog post. Stay tuned for this year's letter to myself. Bishop :(: